


Pickup Tactics

by Bytes



Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Pickup line/pun abuse, Very Cheesy, kinda ooc but idc, spoiler-free
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27403432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bytes/pseuds/Bytes
Summary: 9S stumbles across an old book on how to pick up girls while out on a mission. Romance is an important part of human culture, so perhaps the contents of said book contained the key to 2B’s heart? Things don’t go exactly as anticipated, however.
Relationships: 2B/9S (NieR: Automata)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 54





	Pickup Tactics

It wasn’t often they came across books that were in good enough condition to be useful, or relevant for that matter. But sometimes they found information worth adding to the databanks. With an insatiable thirst for knowledge, 9S kept an eye out for books and other human artifacts that might be interesting. It was a rather standard, uneventful day that day, with the pair of YoRHa units tasked with patrolling and clearing an area of machine life forms in the city ruins.

They’d been making their way through a crumbling building when Pod-153’s flashlight lit up a corner of the room. The remnants of a bookcase caught 9S’ eye immediately. “Hey, hold up a sec. I wanna check this out,” he informed 2B before making his way over to the shelf.

“What? There is nothing over there,” 2B responded with her usual curtness. “Nothing important, anyway.”

“You never know. Might find something useful in one of these books,” he insisted, not bothered at all by his companion’s lack of enthusiasm as he scoured through the tattered pages of various books. As per usual, most were either too degraded to be legible or didn’t contain anything relevant. One did seem to catch his eye however. It was a book titled: “A Guy’s Guide to Picking Up Girls”. Despite romance not being allowed between YoRHa units, and emotions being ‘prohibited’ as 2B put it, 9S found himself harboring a rather large crush on the android partnered with him. They weren’t designed for such activities and feelings, so he lacked any sort of skills when it came to trying to get his feelings across to her. On the other hand, romance was very important to humans and played a large role in keeping their species alive. Surely this book would contain some good advice on the subject, right?

Not wanting to keep 2B waiting any longer, 9S tucked the book inside the pouch he kept on his back so he could read it later. He then returned to 2B’s side, giving her a nod. “Alright, that’s all I wanted. Let’s get going.”

“Fine,” was all she responded with, not even bothering to ask what the book he’d taken was about. As a combat model, she found it hard to understand 9S’ curiosity sometimes. She just wasn’t built for that. But seeing his face light up whenever something caught his interest was more than enough to make her put up with the occasional side-tracking.

The pair returned to their mission at hand as if nothing had happened, and with time they finished clearing out their assigned sector without issue. Salvaging materials from the bodies of fallen machines allowed for them to make upgrades to their equipment back at the resistance camp, and 2B suspected they had finally collected enough to increase the power of her sword so she suggested they return there for the day. That was fine, as 9S could use the downtime to read his newly procured book that was sure to contain the key to 2B’s heart.

_One of the most important parts to picking up girls is your first impression. If you don’t start it off right, she’ll lose interest before you can even start. We can get you off on the right foot though by using clever pick up lines that will impress all the ladies. This section contains a list of tried and true pickup lines for any kind of situation, so make sure to memorize them. Remember: you can’t pick up chicks if you don’t catch their interest!_

That sounded right… right? Perhaps he just hadn’t started any of his attempts to romance her correctly and that’s why she wasn’t responding to it. Scanning through the pages, he noticed a lot of these pickup lines were either jokes or puns. Was humor part of the equation of love? Thinking about it, he wasn’t sure he’d ever heard 2B laugh. Maybe a slightly amused grunt or hum, but never a laugh. Her smiles were rare too, but thankfully he had gotten to see them before. 9S found himself wondering what it would take to make her laugh, and what it would sound like…

His daydreaming had made him lose track of time, with the sound of 2B entering the room pulling him away from his thoughts what felt like immediately afterward. “Hey..! 2B..!” the scanner model stammered in greeting. “Get that sword upgraded?”

“Yes. It should prove more effective in taking out the enemy now,” she confirmed.

“That’s good! Err.. heard anything from command? Any more assignments for today?” he found himself asking for the sake of conversation.

“No. Have you?”

“Nope. Don’t think we have anything urgent to do either. Just side stuff for the resistance.”

“Prepare to leave shortly then.”

“Aww come on, we never have a break! We should take this time to relax a little!” 9S whined.

“We weren’t built for that purpose.”

“You’re such a workaholic…” he sighed before sitting up from his comfortable reading position on his bed. Pausing for a moment, he stared at 2B as she busied herself with organizing her inventory. Perhaps this would be a good opportunity to try out some pickup lines? Clearing his throat, he hesitantly started, “hey, 2B?”

“What?”

“Are you, um.. sure you’re not tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day,” 9S blurted out, feeling like his heart was going to leap out of his throat. He watched nervously as 2B seemed to stop her movements for a second before shaking her head.

“I’m not tired. If you are, I will go by myself,” she replied blankly.

9S blinked, the cogs in his mind turning as he tried to figure out how to react to that. She either didn’t notice or didn’t care about his pickup line! He wanted to curl up into a ball and keel over on the spot, but he didn’t let that show. “O-Oh, no, no, I’m okay! Ready to go whenever you are…” he stammered. 

“Alright then.”

As soon as 2B was out of earshot, 9S felt himself let out a deep sigh. Okay. Maybe that one didn’t impress her, but surely one of the ones in that book would? Perhaps he’d have to try another sometime.

Another opportunity presented itself while the pair of androids were hiking through the forest in silence. The lack of dialogue wasn’t uncommon as 2B wasn’t one to start idle conversation. But maybe this would be a good time to bust out another pickup line!

“I’m sorry, were you talking to me?” 9S asked.

“No. I didn’t say anything. If you’re hearing things, you should take a look and see if your system is damaged.”

“Affirmative. Begin scan on unit 9S?” Pod-153 offered from its place hovering above them.

“N-No! I’m okay, really!” he exclaimed, holding his hands up defensively. “Um… what I was going to say was, well… please start.”

“Please start what?”

“Talking. Get it? Like, sorry, were you talking to me? No? Well you should start then! Haha…”

“..Are you sure something isn’t wrong with your system?” 2B questioned.

“Hypothesis: unit 9S was attempting to start conversation with unit 2B. Attempt’s success is questionable,” Pod-042 explained.

“Just forget it…” 9S sighed as he hung his head in defeat.

Courage again struck the scanner model while they were off visiting various landmarks per the request of an Android who had lost her memory. She had provided them with images of various locations that she retrieved from her data. One in particular was located in the lush forest near the castle. The troops of hostile machines were rather troublesome, but were way too weak to really lay a scratch on them. 

While walking through a clearing, 9S recognized the scene before him as being quite similar to the photo the Android provided. “Hey, 2B. I think this is the place in that picture.”

“Oh… you’re right,” she replied as she gazed up at the view.

“Adding information to databanks,” Pod-042 announced.

“Say… I’m not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.”

“You don’t have to picture anything, we’re both standing here.”

“A swing and a miss…” 9S sighed under his breath. “Not what I meant, but never mind. Let’s get this info back to that android.”

This went on for quite a while, with 9S desperately trying to use pickup lines to get 2B’s attention, only to be brushed off every single time.

 _Did you fall from heaven? Because you look like an angel,_ he had said.

2B only replied with, _androids don’t really believe in heaven, 9S._

_My friends call me Nines, but you can call me yours._

_9S is fine_.

_Are you the sun? Because you’re lighting up my day!_

_It is nighttime. The sun isn’t out._

Perhaps that book had been lying. Or this kind of thing only worked on humans. Either way, 9S had given up with that approach. At least she hadn’t changed her behavior towards him, or so he had thought.

A new mission had them trekking through the city ruins like they had done so many times before. Needing a scan of the terrain, they decided to climb to the top of a building so that it would be easier. During a moment of downtime, 2B spoke up while looking out at the landscape.

“I know your designation is 9S. But I think it was meant 2-B ‘mine,’ as YoRHa only one for me,” she stated in her usual neutral tone. Because of that, her words had almost flew over 9S’ head as a standard statement.

He blinked as her words sunk in. She had really just used a pickup line on him, _and_ it was a double at that. He felt his pulse quicken as he snapped his head over to look at her in shock. “H-Huh?”

“I am not repeating myself.”

“You just— 2B, you— I— Did you know what I was doing all those times..?”

“Of course I did. It’s not like they were subtle.”

“Then why did you blow me off every single time?!” he whined.

“...I was thinking of a response.” With that, she turned and trotted back towards the roof’s door. “Anyway, let’s get going. We shouldn’t waste any more time.”

“H-Hey, wait..!” 9S called, scrambling to catch up with her. He had a lot of questions he now wanted to ask her, but he couldn’t seem to put them into words because his brain was fried. When he caught up to walk alongside her, he noticed she had a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Y’know, 2B… you can call me yours anytime,” he offered, pushing his luck a little to see how she’d react.

The taller combat model remained silent as they walked. He was about to accept that she had ignored him completely that time when she finally replied.

“Noted.”


End file.
